“I thought my girlfriend should not leave me for another”

Mikael about his first meeting with Byron Katie:

In the late 90s I went through a messy time private. A friend gave me a tape with The Work of Byron Katie. It was so fascinating to listen when someone got help to question their thoughts and experience the difference it made, I threw myself on a plane and took me to Amsterdam, where she was at that moment. When I stepped into the hall where the event was held, it was perhaps a thousand people who sat and listened, and Byron Katie just asked: ”Who wants to do The Work?". I screamed: ”Iwant to do The Work!"And Byron Katie said, in his sedate, warm and humorous manner: ”Yes, hereally wants to do The Work!”

Then she helped me to examine the performance "my girlfriend would not leave me for another" and it became perfectly clear to me that I was the one who created my suffering when I thought of the tanks. After experiencing the deep pain when I thought my happiness and unhappiness depended on what somebody else did, I was now directed back to myself - it was a total redemption.

After Byron Katie became a close friend and guide, and I invited her to Sweden many times to allow more people to take part in The Work. I feel so grateful to Katie to our firstborn daughter carries her name - it may say something?

Do not miss the opportunity to spend a full day with Byron Katie at the China Theater 6 and 7 July! She is one of the greatest living spiritual teachers and inspirers. The Work is a simple, but still extremely radical method of getting to the heart of things… Read more and watch videos on the event page.

Have you had an experience of The Work you want to share, or ask you something? Please leave a comment below!

7 Comments on ““I thought my girlfriend should not leave me for another”

Kerstin Ögren
May 21, 2014 at 3:05 am

I have read B.Katies book. Tried me on the work.
But having a son who takes away and trimmed with family – it is something that he “should” done when?
Since I will be very sad and desperate and think that he is not “should” do that.
Thus – I do not understand what I could be helped in this way of thinking. I can not change what happened. Stick to the facts is that he has actually broken with family. The pain can not be explained away. And why should one do it eg.?
Even worse is that he does it because he will now go into their “healingprocess” because a childhood trauma (circumcised at 8 extent of anesthetic and pain-blockade) will now take x number of years. Perhaps 5 – 10 year specified.
I do not understand all this personality development philosophy longer. Should the need “cost” family relationships and destroy lots of years – for what?
Just wanted to write to me in all the frustration that this call is about – that one should not react normally but just gloss over serious things that happen in life.
Regards / Kerstin

Thor Thomsson
May 21, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Hello Kerstin
I really hear your despair and sorrow surrounding your son's rejection.
I also hear a disappointment and concern in relation to personal development that you experience creates more problems than it solves. I can also understand from your situation.
I myself have been doing thework and other personal development for many years and in periods I can agree that the process itself has made my relationship with my family worse. I simply had the need to ensure their own pain and it has been easier when I have not had contact with the family.
But in the longer term, it has always brought me closer to my family, and the loving, open and honest relationship I have them today would not have been possible without particularly thework.
I want to invite you to contact me if you need help and guidance of your problem. I am very experienced in thework and if you are open to it as it will help you.
Regards Thor

Michael Karlholm
May 28, 2014 at 8:37 am

Kerstin Thanks for your sharing!

I am touched and grateful that you want to share what you are going through. Can only say that for me, it was never to do The Work itself without the support of someone who knows what they're doing. The Work is not about trying to change something, but more about the willingness to explore what hurts in our lives. Things that come back again and again and makes us experience life, the world and ourselves that something is wrong. I think if you do not try to be anything other than where you are with your son. But there are certainly thinking on this to consider whether you want to (but only if you want). It's not for anyone else's sake, not to fix you or your relationship, but because you are worth the peace of mind and in your mind. What your son does or does not do, you can not influence and that is that Katie does not say your “business”. from “business” is to investigate as a scientist it hurts (and may thus be free of the).

I love that you do not want to release anything and be anything other than who you are. But Kerstin if you want to investigate and need help, there are various schemes of which this is only a. Katie is radical in his total devotion to what is, but when she guides people in The Work, she does it with the deepest love,compassion and respect.

Most common

Candra Karlholm
May 28, 2014 at 9:18 am

Hello Kerstin!

Thank you for writing this. Thanks also Thor responded and offered assistance!

I just want to meet up and say thank you for the courage to question. It was a good reminder to me that The Framework can be controversial and perhaps a little difficult to understand… And everything fit's not for everyone, there are the, and it is only natural.

I thought of one thing something I read your comment… I hear that you feel frustrated, and that you interpret Katie's message that one should not react with sorrow and pain without glossing over serious things that happens in life. I perceive instead that Katie comes with an invitation: if you feel the sorrow and pain and do not want it, The Work is a method to examine their own thoughts on the situation. The exploration can help one to come to acceptance. But you can not skip exploration! Then the method is just one more way to hit himself in the head and feel even more pain. “I should accept it as is” - is it true?

I ended up there myself when I met Katie for the first time in real life. First it was just liberating and beautiful and I felt so great tune with the clarity she brokered. But as the day went on, there appeared those where thoughts - I started judging myself because I was not enough acceptance. There was a huge buzz inside me, a lot of thoughts… And I did not write them down, questioned them. Was also too shy to raise them with her directly. But she saw me, and before we parted, she looked deep into my eyes and said tenderly: I would just love it if you were gentle and kind to yourself… Poff! So I landed in the heart. The tears flooded, but all those mental gears just rustled up in a big pile. I'm so good at trying to fix me. And my surroundings. Puuuuh.

The Framework can be a way to coma home to himself and find peace. But to think of The Work or try to figure out if it works, whether it is good or not, etc.. leads in my experience no further each. If you are curious or feels stuck in a feeling or embarrassing considering I recommend to try to do The Work with someone who is familiar with the method, more preferably when you really need! So when you have a strong feeling that something is not as it should, when you are angry or sad. It is a meditation, a single trip. It asks questions, they become that even a compass when navigating in the interior landscape. They can help find homes, and not just go around in circles in the usual beaten Considering tracks. If one is willing to tread new ground, questioning basic beliefs about who you are and how the world is constructed. One can definitely need a guide, a friend who is one on the road (as Michael and Thor was on), otherwise it is easy to fall there again, in the old familiar tracks, though you had taken out a new course and the piece that they tested a new track…

Anyway…I wish you and your son all the best. Thanks again to hear from you! welcome again. All's Well!

June 30, 2014 at 10:36 pm

Helps thought you, that he should not take away from family, or is it yet another insult to injury he takes away? How do you treat your beloved son, when you have the idea? How do you treat yourself? What do you say to yourself? And – who would you be without the thought?

Gun Carlsten
May 21, 2014 at 7:43 am

Thanks, inspiration…

Börje Ohlsson
May 21, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Hello Michael.

Glad to read that Byron Katie come to Sweden. One of her mentees – Julie Blake, I f.ö. interviewed on my radio show, coming to Sweden in autumn. Julie The Paradigm Rocker will do some events with us 3 P coach. Interested?
It will be fun to read your newsletter. My, you can subscribe to via my website.

Have a nice day.


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